How would I take this humiliation? Seeing him with what should be me? Seeing him with a family?

But Deacon was right.

I had to do this. It has been two weeks and if not now, then when? I'd have to face them eventually...

Him and her. Them.

I can't even say their names.

Coming out of the bathroom in my favorite red-orange dress and my hair left loose in curls, Deacon let out a low whistle.

"Look at you, wearing a dress. It's my favorite one." His head tilted to the side as he scrunched his nose. "Ya know... Now that I'm looking at it, I think it may be too short." He was assessing me thoughtfully. His big brother ego had taken over.

Rolling my eyes, I slipped on my sandals. "It's quicker to shift out of a dress and I'm not changing. Let's go." I was secretly glad this dress was 'too short' in his opinion. That meant it would be way too short in my mate's opinion. I just wanted to show him what he missed out on, even if I was going to embarrass myself doing it.

Taking my hand, he pulled me out of my room and down the hall toward the dining area. The steel butterflies swarmed up from the shallows, beating their razor-edged wings inside my belly, giving me that feeling of panic as each blade sliced its way into my flesh.

I squeezed Deacon's hand unknowingly. He returned it, glancing down at me with those worrying eyes.

"I've got you, just focus. Take deep breaths. Hold them if you get close to him."

I actually don't think I could cry now.

I felt numb. Scared to death and deliciously numb.

The sadness was still there, but behind it, I felt angry. Angry at him for doing this to me. Angry at her for encroaching my territory.

Angry at the moon for giving me this fate.

We entered the dining hall silently, the chatter never ceasing, forks clinking against the ceramic plates. His scent was prominent, shielding the rest of the aromas from my senses. It almost brought me to my knees at how powerful his scent was to me, tickling my nose, giving me a calm yet painfully yearning sensation.

Upon sensing our smell, familiar faces glanced over at us but thankfully no one stopped talking. That would be nerve-wracking and I would stare at the floor .. Submissively.

I'm not submissive.

Quite a few eyes lingered over our intertwined hands. I felt a certain pair burn through Deacon, waiting for any image of my body to make an appearance. I stayed close to Deacon, not wanting to feel that overwhelming sensation of his eyes on me. I would surely react to it.

A low warning growl from Deacon had the lingering eyes going back to their business. I didn't look past his shielding form, but I could smell my mate two-fold as we encroached deeper inside the dining hall, moving in towards his line of sight.

My skin shivered in delight at the thought of his gaze on me. He was about to see me, but I focused and held my breath, keeping my sight trained on what Deacon was doing.

My throat closed up. Gripping onto Deacon's hand harder, we walked toward the buffet-style breakfast, set out on the kitchen island.

Deacon let go of my hand, grabbing a plate, keeping his focus on me above anything else. "What do you want?" He lowered his head toward me, peering down at me with a pointed stare and I was at a loss, wanting to melt into a puddle and disappear.

A male making a plate of food for a female was a symbolic gesture, especially if that male is higher up in rank. Deacon making my food meant something. Out of kindness or love, people would talk. And his brother would hate it.

I wasn't the one for games, Deacon was just my comfort. Taking a short breath through my mouth, I met his eyes with a small smile on my lips.

"Just the usual" I whispered.

I could hear a low rumble from behind me. My mate didn't like his little brother tending to me. I don't even think I should call him 'my mate' anymore, but I can't say his name.

I felt his eyes on me again, roaming over my legs and up my body. An invisible tendril of his soul branching out to grasp every view of my skin available to him had Anxiety's deft fingers constricting around my midsection. I wrapped my arms around myself, attempting to keep my insides from spilling out. My body wanted and craved his touch. I could feel the wolf inside me stirring, my head tilting towards her mate as she nudged me, wanting me to go to him. It was hard to break through and regain control, but I did it. Deacon was oblivious to my situation as he made my plate and his.

Keeping my emotions in check, I straightened my back, ignoring that warming sensation.

"Follow me." Deacon nudge me with his elbow and I walked with him, sitting down at the opposite end of the table from him. Thankfully my view of him was obstructed by the other bodies sitting at the table and I didn't have to sit there feeling him watching me.

I wondered why his pregnant she-wolf wasn't here this morning.

"Thank you, Deacon." My eyes met his as he smiled down at me with warmth, his blue eyes just a few shades darker than his brothers. Both males could have been underwear models. It was ridiculous and unfair at how perfect their genes were.

If only he could have been my mate, I know I wouldn't be suffering. I could have gotten over the weirdness of being his. The bond would have made it easy, It tempts you into things.

We ate in silence, commenting on the food every now and then. Deacon always ate so quickly, swallowing his food whole as if someone would take it from him.

Males...

A hand on my shoulder had me jerking away, eyes glancing to my left to view the culprit.

Alyssa.

"Hey, Nova. I just wanted to say... I'm really sorry about everything. And if you need to talk, I'm here for you." Her words were sweet, kind, caring. She meant what she said and best of all, there was no pity in her gaze.

Alyssa was a peaceful she-wolf, older than me by a year. She had already found her mate. He just so happened to by my mate's best friend. One of them, anyway.

"Thank you, Alyssa, but I'm fine." A reassuring smile spread across my lips although it was fake. I never showed my teeth when it was a fake smile and people knew that.

She gave me that knowing look that said, "bullshiiit". She knew.

I may look okay on the outside, but I was anything but just ok.

After breakfast, Deacon walked me out of the dining hall through the back door, all eyes on us and a certain pair of eyes sending sensations through my body.

How can he bear this when I barely can? It grows as you mature. The mate bond. Surely it had to be eating him alive?He's older than me by four years.

Deacon and I trekked on through the forest beside the Packhouse, rounding up the hill toward the cliffs of lush clovers, which looked out onto our territory. Once I was safely at our secret spot, he pulled me close, giving me a tight hug. I took in his scent, letting it relax me.

We sat there for a moment in silence, overlooking the entire pack lands from where we sat. Our secret spot was high up on the cliffs where the stream at the top, fell down the rocks into a beautiful waterfall. The packhouse was just below, diagonal from us, across the lake. Miles of the lake was visible from this vantage point until it curved to the right into no man's land.