NovaThe steam was so thick I could almost touch it.. Clouding my vision as the spray of hot water rained down, droplets forming on the etched glass shower door. With my cheek pressed against the glass, I drew a sad face on the fogged glass with my fingertip before wiping it away.

How my soul feels

I let the water get extra hot in order to wash away my guilt, scrubbing harshly until my skin turned red. Love bites and scratches made by his sharp fangs ran down my torso reminding me of our moment together..

I'll be reminded of it every time i take my clothes off until it fades..

Even then, I'll be reminded every time I see his strong arms, remembering that they held me so delicately.. Muscles rippling and veins trembling.

I sank down to the shower floor, snaking my arms around my knees as I held myself together, hot water raining down on my skin, scalding it in its wake...

Im paralyzed.

I felt so numb again.. My stomach was a giant knot once more.. Nausea my only friend. I would be breaking the promise I made to him. I just can't eat.. The thought of eating makes me want to throw up.

Sighing, a trembling hand reached up to cut off the water. Pushing myself up, I wobbled slightly, my system going too long without nutrients had my mind fuzzy.. Dizzy.. My body tingled, feeling like I would pass out at any moment.

I needed to get myself together...

Looking down at my gaunt form, my stomach concave and ribs sticking out of my skin. Even my breasts were smaller. I'm wasting away...

How does he think I'm still attractive?

~~~~

After I managed to get myself out and dry, I attempted to dress, trying my best not to pass out. Every miniscule task was leaving me exhausted from exertion, no energy in my body available to the working muscles which were eating away at themselves.

I slid on a pair of cut off jean shorts and a red fitted tee, leaving my hair long to dry on its own in loops. Slipping on some converse, I headed out my room and made the journey to my parents house.. Needing to find my brother and console him. He needed me now.

I might be younger than he but we are family and I can relate to what he's going through now.

Mates are special... Every wolf is taught that from a young age.. Accept maybe for Grace. She was another story.. But you wait your entire life for your mate.. You won't be truly happy if you don't find them and claim them.. And you claim them quickly. Most wolves claim them immediately..

I trudged down the dirt road a little further, my hair drying in the hot sun and warm breeze. The familiar turquoise door and willow tree I climbed as a pup brought back sweet memories as I entered the front door, thinking about a happier time.

"Mom? Dad? Nic?" I glanced around from room to room. I couldn't smell my parents but Nic was here somewhere.

I took the stairs two at a time before I came to his closed bedroom door. I stood there for a moment before knocking softly as I pushed a lock of chestnut hair behind my ear.

"Nic? Its me. Open up." I kept my voice low.

I could hear some shuffling around before the door swung open. Red puffy eyes met mine.. Dark circles surrounded those Forrest green orbs. Sorrow was what I smelled from him, my wolf wanted to come out and comfort her big brother.

"Nova. Where have you been? What happened to you?" He held the door open for me to come in. I kept my eyes to the beige carpet as I entered his room and sat on his bed. The sheets were all tangled as if he had been rolling around in them instead of sleeping. The smell of salt lingered on his pillow making my heart lurch..

"I'm so sorry Nic. I fainted when you said Grace was your mate last night and I guess someone took me to bed. I just woke up about an hour ago and got a shower to come find you." I didn't lie..

Someone did take me to bed... That bed just so happen to be in a tent and that someone just so happened to be Zaryn..

He sighed, closing the door. "Its fine. I was worried about you. How are you doing ?" Those sad eyes had me wanting to break Down with him but I held on.. He might have had enough breaking by now. He shouldn't worry about me though.. He was in dire straights as well.

My mouth fell open and I glanced up at him with wide eyes. "Me? I'm the last person you need to worry about Nic.. How are you doing? This is a disaster! And you look like shit!" My wolf whined in the back of my head, pawing at the ground wanting to come out. I shook my head, backing her off.

He threw a shirt over his muscular torso and flopped back on the bed beside me. "Yeah. Tell me about it. It seems like Zaryn keeps ruining everything for both of us."

I couldn't help but to scoff, looking straight at him. "Nic can't you see it's Grace? He couldn't smell her heat and now she's pregnant and then we find out you are her mate which means she probably isn't even an alpha blood! There's something strange going on here Nic.. And I think we need to talk to Alpha Blake about it."

He shook his head, huffing out a puff of air with a sarcastic smirk. "I don't know Nova. Do you honestly believe he didn't smell her heat? That sounds like complete shit. He smelled it alright then took what he wanted. I've sensed a females heat before. Its something you can't control, the wolf takes over. He probably wanted to make you feel better."

This made me frown. I know what I saw in his eyes when he told me, and that's the fact he was telling the truth.

"But yeah it is completely strange how she's supposed to be my mate but I'm not an alpha. I don't know Nova. I'm not sure what to do about this. My wolf is trying to jump out of my skin as it is.. She wouldn't even talk to me last night. I tried to talk to her but she just ran off crying." His eyes closed as he shook his head sadly. I felt pain for my brother.. I know it can't be easy for him especially just finding his mate in a situation like this..

I put my arm around his shoulder and leaned into him. "Its going to be okay Nic. You deserve someone better anyways. Grace is not a very worthy female.."

"You deserve someone better too." He glanced at me.

Pursing my lips, I nodded. I wasn't sure what was going to happen but I knew I couldn't sit around waiting on Zaryn. He may or may not have a family and time spent with him will only make it harder. I need to control my wolf better...

Nic laid down, taking me with him as we lay side by side curled into each other. Together we mourned the loss of our mates. His grief and pain mixed with mine, making the stale air smell foul with sorrow.. We just lie there soaking in our own miserable feelings. Together.